This Hair Journey Stuff Just Got Real.

No one likes to talk about the downside to being on a hair journey, but I’m about to lay it all out there.  When you work so hard to make sure that your hair has everything that it needs to thrive and become the best that it can be, you develop an extreme attachment to your hair.  The last thing that you want to do is trim your ends.  I mean you’ve invested all that time, energy and money.  And just to let it go like that almost seems inhumane.  I seriously have gone through all of the stages of grief in the past 36 hours…and I’m not completely certain that I’ve stopped recycling through stages two, three and four.  First I was in absolute denial about my ends.  See evidence below, where I’m all excited about my straight hair that’s longer than it’s ever been.  Look at the smile of denial. Smh.
Anger.  …Wait a minute.  Why do the ends look so… NOOO!!! Why me?!?!  Not again!  I’m going to have to chop it all OFF!!! *shakes fist in the air then hangs head in shame*

Bargaining.  You know maybe all of it doesn’t have to go, maybe I did something wrong when I was flat ironing it…maybe it’s the way that the picture’s taken….maybe I used too much product and the hairs are just sticking together…maybe it’s just an illusion…next week when I relax, it’ll look way better… (See Below where I take length pictures from various places and positions in search of the “truth”):
Depression/sadness. All that progress…down the drain…it looks like it’s back to APL for me…
 Acceptance. But now that I’ve had time to process everything.  I’m at peace with it.  I was supposed to do my major trim in December and I never did that.  That mini trim in September must have thrown me off of my trimming schedule and now I’m seeing the results of avoiding that major trim…  I still don’t know exactly how much I’m going to trim next weekend, but I’ll be sure to record it all for you guys.

Thanks for taking this crazy mind trip with me.  I think I’m alright now, lol.  Follow me on Instagram/Twitter for up to the minute hair rants and other foolishness @FancyFlairLady.

 

24 Comments


  1. I scrolled down and was like WHAT!!!Were did Kim's thick long hair go…Its a journey and i know you will bounce back from this. It looks like 3inches of your ends are thin


  2. Hi! I just subscribed to your blog, you provide good, honest info.
    I'm going through something similar right now. I prefer thicker ends, blunter cuts so although the bulk of my hair is BSL there's a thin scraggly V that touches my goal MBL. I'm not going to be one of those who claims a goal when 2 hairs are touching it so those ends will have to go 🙂 Thanks for this post and confirming what I need to do.


  3. I'm soo with you on this you are NOT alone, I feel your pain girl, I feel your pain lol. I have a problem area that makes the right side look much thinner than the right and tbh I have no idea what to do I know I'm defo gonna have to trim next relaxer but in terms of that area I jus don't know.. I'll see how it looks with the trim I guess. And don't worry your hair will flourish back in no time! xx


  4. Hi Kim, I'm having the same problem and it's so hard but I think chopping the thin ends will make you feel a lot better in the long run! I'm planning to do a big chop after my next relaxer. Just remember it'll be back down to MBL before you know it! 🙂


  5. Yeah, girl. smh. It's just one of those things, I guess. I've been hiding my length since December with roller sets and buns. I didn't even realize what I was working with. But you're right, they don't call it a journey for nothing.


  6. Hey danysedai, I'm totally with you, I couldn't come on here and claim a length that doesn't belong to me. Mid Back Length is no more. Sad to say, but it's true. Good luck with your next trim. I am certain we both will be happier with our shorter healthier looking hair. Thick ends to the end! lol. Thanks for subscribing. 🙂


  7. Thanks, Vanessa. It feels good to know that I'm not the only one baffled by this. I know that ends tend to be weaker/breakage-prone and that's why I have to do a major trim at the end of the year. But I'm not sure why I have to EVERY time. I'm just going to chalk it up to the fact the my fine hair strands will always be susceptible breakage. I'm thinking I might trim every relaxer, so that I don't lose so much length all at once. These major trims hurt a bit too much for my liking. Good luck with your trim, Vanessa!


  8. Thanks for your support, Lesley. I know you're right. It will be so much better after the trim. It was just hard to accept that I would have to trim so much. I thought one thing and then when I took the pictures my jaw dropped(in a bad way). I was shocked and confused. But no worries because I'm good now. Especially now that I see I'm not alone on this one. Thanks for letting me know that this is normal and I'm not a complete disappointment. Now, I'm just wearing my bun until next Saturday's relaxer. Good luck with your trim too!


  9. I'm beginning to feel like our hair have a secret way of communicating where they decide what to throw at us next. Just a little while ago it seems like everyone was battling shedding, now this. I'm planning to end my stretch Tuesday because I feel like I'm doing more damage than good this time around. I'm 16 weeks post and don't want to relax just yet but feeling like I'm being forced to. I've experience more shedding, tangles and a lot of breakage this time around and I'm getting a strong feeling I'll have to cut rather than trim my ends with my next relaxer.


  10. hahaha so me right here. I didn't want to do it. but i needed to do it.I went through the stages, but at least i can work at my mistakes and target my problem areas. Im so glad i read this. I see my self in this.


  11. You might be on to something. It's almost as if our hair "cycles" has synced, lol. …maybe that excessive shedding I had in December/January did a lot more damage than I realized…something to think about for sure. Congrats on that stretch, I hope you don't have to do a major trim when you relax. Good luck and take care, Candice!


  12. lol, we are right here >< …you're right, in the end if we can learn from our mistakes, then it's not a waste.


  13. I truly understand what you're going through. My issue is crown breakage and even though I tried my darnest to avoid it, it happened again! It truly sucks, but I appreciate you sharing so that people can understand that Hair Journey's aren't always a walk in the park!


  14. I'm so happy to see this post because I was doing my darndest to protect my ends for the last 15 weeks and yet still my ends are looking on the thin side. I was definitely going through the 'bargaining' stage saying that I'll just trim a little bit but I think it's now time for me to move on to 'acceptance'. Thank you.


  15. I'm going through a bit of this myself right now, smh. This hair journey really is quite a trip! I know the scissors have to come out sometimes, but ugh. lol.


  16. No problem. We're all hear sharing our journeys so that hopefully at some point we'll be able to get it right for good. I'm still racking my brain trying to figure out how to make sure this doesn't happen again.


  17. No problem. It's hard to let our hair go, but sometimes we've got to be strong.


  18. Despite your ends looking thinner, the rest of your hair looks gorgeously thick and healthy!

    Your blog is great! I have just added it to my side bar of blogs I must read – that way I won't miss any of your future posts!!!


  19. Thanks so much! I'm very appreciative of your support!! 🙂


  20. Hi Kim! I am from NC (lived and worked in the RDU for years before moving west for graduate school … I, too, am a Duke fan!)

    Thanks for documenting the downsides of hair journeys and keeping it real. Rarely does one have a flawless journey to MBL/WL and beyond. I loved how you related it to the 5 stages of grief with a dash of humor!

    I look forward to reading more of your blog. 🙂


  21. Hey LaShanda! (GO DUKE!)

    Thanks for checking out my blog, I really try to share each step in this hair journey and cutting my hair was a big (sad) pill to swallow. But I'm glad that others, like yourself, were able to relate to my experience. Thanks for commenting and best of luck to you in Grad School!

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